Wednesday, October 21, 2009

thirty-eight: apart

It's easy to not miss Max during the day. I fall into my usual routine. Shower. Commute to work. Work. Commute home. Say hello to Hank and work out at the gym for an hour. Eat a make-shift dinner.

At this point in my day, however, I do start to miss him. Usually, in the late afternoon or evenings, I would get to see him. Either he'd come over to my apartment or I'd go over to his house. Sure, we didn't get together every night, but at least three times a week. Of course, once he started playing with the team again, I'd go to his games, but that happened so recently that it didn't really feel like a part of my routine.

I hate to think of all those weeks that he had been in Pittsburgh, skating on his own, working with the strength coach and the UPMC doctors, and not traveling with the team while we could have been spending time together in a romantic capacity rather than as just friends. All that wasted time....

Part of me is glad to see him leave, just for a little while. Spending time with Max is great, of course, but it's absolutely wrecking my diet. He bitches and whines when he comes over to my place, because of all the fat-free or healthy foods that I keep on hand, so we often go out or order in. I can feel my arteries clogging and the fat congealing on my ass and thighs. I think it has something to do with his almost European approach to life: everything in moderation. Except he's all muscly and has a high metabolism from working out so hard so often, so junk food doesn't stick to him. I walk past celery and still gain five pounds.

Max didn't care when I brought it up to him. "What? It's not like you're fat."

"You're going to make me fat, Max. That's my point."

"I don't care. I like your body just the way it is. Curvy. Fleshy," he said, grabbing my love-handles. "I like having something to hold onto."

I pushed his hands away disgustedly. "Oh, Max. I thought you were supposed to be a smooth talker. That's a horrible thing to say."

"What? I like everything about you, Charlotte. I like your long brown hair and your pretty green eyes. I like that you're smart and funny and crazy. And I like your gorgeous face and your banging body, whether you like it or not."

While it was nice to hear him say those things, the words didn't sink in. I still felt like, and feel like, my body's inflating like the Goodyear blimp. I work out extra long and extra hard while Max's gone, to make up for everything he made me eat and everything he'll feed me when he returns. Then again, I count sex with Max as a work out, so I figure he makes me burn off at least a portion of the calories that he makes me consume.

But, fortunately, during this particular road trip, Max and I could talk on the phone. In fact, we spoke every night. Either before we both went to bed, or after his game while I was in bed waiting to hear from him. I know this makes me sound like a lovesick fool, even though I vowed to never go through all that again, but I was just enjoying the feeling of liking someone and having him like me back.

I tried explaining that to my best friend, Lesley. She was the first friend I made at the University of Chicago, and she was there when I met John. I miss her like crazy, and she's the one thing I miss about the life I left back in Illinois.

"Charlotte, honey, I'm happy that you met someone new. I'm glad you feel ready to try again. Do you really like him?"

"I do, Les, I really like him. It's so nice, because he's such a laid-back, fun guy, ya know? I don't have to be perfect around him. He doesn't expect it from me, and I wouldn't want to try anyway. I like who I am around him. It's so refreshing to just be me for once."

"Oh, honey. That's the way it's supposed to be! You don't want to be with someone who expects you to be perfect. Because no one's perfect."

"I know. But I think I expected to be perfect for him, if that makes sense. I wanted to be his everything. With Max, though, I'm just happy to spend whatever time I can with him. It's like, I miss him, but I'm more excited for the next time we get to hang out than I am upset that he's away. Does that make sense? I feel like I'm talking gibberish."

Lesley sighed. "No. That's love talking."

"I'm not in love with him," I admitted. "I love him as a friend, for sure, and I like him romantically, but I'm not in love with him."

"Coulda fooled me."

"I'm serious. And it doesn't bother me a bit. I don't want to love him. I don't want to go through all that shit again. I just want things with Max to stay simple and uncomplicated. Easy."

"And how does Max feel about this?" she asked.

"Um, I don't know. We've never talked about it. Nothing to talk about. So he's obviously fine with things as they are. See? No need to make things more complex than what they are."

And things weren't complex. They were blissfully plain and straightforward; we're just two people who like to spend our time together. When we speak on Friday night, the weekend before he's slated to come home, he asks what I'd like to do when he returns.

"Whatever. Do you want to come over?"

"That depends. Will Gina be home?" he asks, the question starting to become our code for whether or not we were going to have sex.

"That depends," I tease. "I can ask her if she'll be going to the library that night."

"That might be a good idea. Because we both know you can't be quiet."

I laugh. "I don't see why you're complaining. It certainly strokes your ego to think you're a sex god."

"Well, I can't deny it. When you're good, you're good. So, I'll just come over on Wednesday?"

"Yeah. I'll cook dinner!" Max groans when I say that. "Oh come on, I'll cook something good, something that you'll like. I have this really good family recipe for stuffed meatballs. Lots of cheese and garlic and seasonings. Don't worry, I'll make it worth your while."

"Hmm, I'm sure you will. So, are you going out with Gina tonight?"

"No, she's got a gig with her band. I'll probably just relax with a good book while I soak in the bath. What about you, big guy? Going out with the boys tonight?"

"Now why would I want to go out when I can stay in the hotel and talk to my girl on the phone?"

I laugh at him. "Because that sounds lame. You like to go out, Max. Don't think you have to stay in because I want you to. Go have a drink with the boys and have a good time."

"It doesn't bother you to think I'm going out with a bunch of the guys, drinking, dancing, and girls fawning all over me?"

"Well, as long as you keep your hands and your dick to yourself," I begin with a laugh, "I don't care. You are a party animal. Go and have fun, dance and flirt. Just remember that you've got me waiting for you when you get back, and don't do anything to screw that up."
______________________________________________________

"Hmm, I'm sure you will," I say to Charlotte, thinking about what exactly she can do to make it worth my while. "So, are you going out with Gina tonight?"

"No, she's got a gig with her band. I'll probably just relax with a good book while I soak in the bath. What about you, big guy? Going out with the boys tonight?"

"Now why would I want to go out when I can stay in the hotel and talk to my girl on the phone?" I tell her smoothly. I do want to go out, but I don't want to go out and have it get back to Charlotte.

Surprisingly, she laughs. "Because that sounds lame. You like to go out, Max. Don't think you have to stay in because I want you to. Go have a drink with the boys and have a good time."

"It doesn't bother you to think I'm going out with a bunch of the guys, drinking, dancing, and girls fawning all over me?" I know she's a laid-back girl, but I don't expect her to be okay with me going out. Especially since she—as well as so many other people—seem to doubt my capacity at being monogamous.

"Well, as long as you keep your hands and your dick to yourself, I don't care. You are a party animal. Go and have fun, dance and flirt. Just remember that you've got me waiting for you when you get back, and don't do anything to screw that up."

"Yes, ma'am." I laugh at her answer. I would never do anything to screw up what I had with her; I almost did once, and I certainly never want to do it again. "Have I told you recently how fantastic you are?"

"No," she giggles. "But that's okay. I don't need the constant reassurance, because I know how awesome I am. Really, Max, I want you to go out and have a good time. I'd never ask you to stay in because of me."

"Okay. Just because you're telling me to. I'm gonna go, maybe I can catch up with them. I'll talk to you tomorrow after the game, right?"

"Sure thing. Good luck tomorrow."

"Thanks, baby. I miss you."

She pauses, and for a split second I think our connection was severed. "I miss you, too."

After we hang up, I toss on a black dress shirt over my jeans and head to the lobby, where the guys are still waiting. Looks like it's Geno, Tanger, Staalsy, Gogo, TK, and me. We head out of the hotel and stop at the first halfway decent-looking bar we find. We plop down at the bar and start drinking. Some of the guys scatter to play pool, and some scan the crowd for hot chicks.

"You know, I didn't think you were coming out with us, Talbo," Gronk says after we all down another shot. I've lost count of how many we've had.

"I wasn't going to, but Charlotte said she didn't care if I went out as long as I behaved myself," I laugh.

Tanger rolls his eyes. "I thought you were an expert on women. Don't you know they say shit like that, but really don't mean it?"

Who invited him into this conversation? "She's not like that. She doesn't play mind games. She's cool with it." I wave at the bartender, signaling we need another round. If Tanger's going to continue to be an ass, I definitely need more alcohol.

"Then she apparently doesn't know you well enough, because you'll probably get trashed and end up taking a girl back to your room," he counters.

"Fuck you, man," I spit. "What's your problem? You've been on my ass about Charlotte and how I'm just going to fuck it up. Why? Are you waiting for her to dump me so you can sweep in and pick up my sloppy seconds? Is that it? Huh?"

"No. I don't want your girl. I just know you're going to ruin the best thing that ever happened to you. I'm waiting for it to happen, so I can be the first one to tell you I told you so."

"Fuck you," I repeat, pushing off my seat and heading for the door. I need some fresh air. I'm pissed, and I want very much to punch his lights out. But he's my teammate, my friend. Well, I thought he was my friend. Apparently not, because he's acting like a complete douche and has been for weeks.

I bump into a girl on my way outside. I'm a little unsteady on my feet, and I'm not really paying attention to where I was going anyway. "Careful there," she says, placing her hand on my bicep. "Are you okay?"

"Sorry. I was just on my way out," I mumble.

She throws back her shoulders and licks her lips. "Me, too. Wanna split a cab?" Her thumb starts to rub circles on my arm. Wow, usually girls aren't this forward. They're typically more subtle.

I think about it. The hotel's about a block away, and I really shouldn't walk it alone while my head's this clouded. But I know she isn't serious about splitting a cab; that's not what she has on her mind. As I start to shake my head, I see Tanger and Staalsy sitting at the bar, looking at me. Not looking at me, watching me, waiting to see what I do. Fuck them. "No, that's okay. I'ma walk."

I leave feeling just as angry and pissed off, but I let the chilled air cool me off as I aim for the hotel and walk the four blocks back to the hotel.

11 comments:

  1. Ok... this update was AMAZING.

    First off, Charlotte's POV; I can't even quote anything from it... it was ALL so good. I feel like she's a 100% real person; the way you describe her is so realistic, that I buy it every time.

    As for Mr. Max...

    THE SAME. I want to quote the whole thing... it was just fantastic.
    Let me just say though: "Who invited him into this conversation?" --> Laughed out loud at that! I'm not sure why but... just did.

    And this part, it nearly killed me...
    "Wow, usually girls aren't this forward. They're typically more subtle.
    I think about it. The hotel's about a block away, and I really shouldn't walk it alone while my head's this clouded."
    ^^ I almost choked on my heart because it slammed into my throat. Literally was about to scream at the screen lol.

    I guess me begin sort of pissed at Max for even considering it for a second (even though sex wasn't in his mind), is just a testament to your writing I suppose.

    I can't say enough about this post though... WOW!!!!!!!!

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  2. I have to agree with everything that Zigh commented on. And THANK GOD he didn't go home with that chick.

    YAY!

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  3. Oh thank god he didn't do it. I don't think he'd have done anything more than ride with her, but yay for his brain coming through the fog to remind him that this would be a mistake!
    And thank you Jordy and Tanger for watching him! LOL

    FABULOUS chapter!!! Just amazing, as usual*

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  4. YAY FOR MAX THINKING WITH HIS BRAIN AND NOT HIS PENIS!!! I'm still leery of Tanger though...

    Awesome update!!! It made me extremely happy!! =D

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  5. Hey, he got on his boots (sorry, have to have a shoutout to Bono after the amazing U2 concert in Norman, OK that my peeps attended on Sunday) and he WALKED home, rock on, Max...

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  6. Poor Max! The poor man can be monogamous! I got so involved in this chapter that internally I was telling everyone off for him. That's how much I love this story :D

    "Then again, I count sex with Max as a work out, so I figure he makes me burn off at least a portion of the calories that he makes me consume."

    My response to that quote is- damn straight. haha.

    loved your chapter as always :D

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  7. Great update!! So glad that Max decided to walk to his hotel on his own!!!

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  8. ah yayyyy!
    "I'm serious. And it doesn't bother me a bit. I don't want to love him. I don't want to go through all that shit again. I just want things with Max to stay simple and uncomplicated. Easy."
    noooo nooo no no nooo!!
    howwww can she be so closed minded?!
    that's my only "issue" with this chapter.
    otherwise, it was fantastic, as usual :]

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  9. Ahhh I LOVE Max's awesome display of will power by not going home with that girl. He amazes, yet again.

    And, ugh, Tanger! What the hell is his problem?! He really needs to stay out of it!

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  10. So it seems as if Kris is looking out for Max here, like hes pushing him so that Max wants to prove him wrong. Kris is doing him a favour and i love that :)

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